I look at the sky full of stars here, and I realize it’s not about money. I look at the amazing scenery and I realize it’s not about my passengers. I see some of the most spectacular places on Earth. And I realize it’s not about me.
I, after 50 plus years, realize it’s about “all of this”.
All that is around me. All that is me. The people, the lack, the awesome place I live. The special “job” I have.
And I’ve grown to know that that “job” is to get to know myself. To get to the place where I can touch myself.
I am an actor. I am an improviser. I know how to please people. I know how to touch people. I love being around people. This is a great job for me.
I love to be outdoors. I love to see new things. I love the desert. This is a great job for me.
But, after many years..I realize this is a job where I can touch myself. And the “real job” now begins.
I do tours where I occasionally take up the rear. Sometimes, I find myself alone. I do tours where I occasionally lead the way and everyone is behind me. Sometimes, I find myself alone.
And in those moments that I find myself alone, I realize that I am finding myself. And I am starting to understand that those moments are important. For those are the times that I don’t need to touch anyone but myself. And when I do, my spirit truly shines. Sometimes, when my guests walk up, I have a big smile on my face. Sometimes when they walk up, I am in awe of where I am.
Sometimes when they walk up I have tears in my eyes.
“It’s the juniper”, I say. But it’s not. “It’s allergies”, I say. But it’s not. “It’s the beauty”, I say. But it’s not.
It’s a time that I touched myself. A time that is special for me. For me and me alone. Not with my spouse. Not with my guests. And not with the world of how much money I need.
It’s a moment I have to myself. A time of being alone. And knowing that everything is perfect. Because I am in the moment of “now”. And I love that moment. It is the peace of my spirit. It is “being”.
I’m learning to love being alone. And you know what? It doesn’t have to be in an awesome place. Or a beautiful place. Or doing a job that makes lots of money.
It has to be me seeing me. It has to be me seeing what I really am. An essential part of this creation.
It’s me learning to love being alone.